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the goal of equal parenting: why i want to be the "okayest" mom

before we had fiona, scott and i had a lot of conversations about the dynamic we would pursue when we parented a child. in these conversations, i frequently found myself feeling defensive about the unfair load society places on mothers over fathers, especially with young babies. scott and i both grew up with stay-at-home mothers, who were essentially super-human in their abilities to predict, prepare, and provide for anything their children brought to them. we had home-cooked meals, rides to and from endless activities, gear for all of those activities, and clean clothes to wear, without fail, all of the time. i look now at how well my mother maintained our household with 4 children within 2 years of each other, and my head spins. don't get me wrong, our dads were present and wonderful too. they coached, they played, they showed up. but when it came to managing the household, it was all mom.

perhaps this is why i felt like i had to spell out to scott that i would not be the mother …

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